"I don’t know where to say what I have to say. So I’ll just say it here. I realized that I’m not what I thought I was. I had a talk with my mom, who’s supposed to love me no matter what, and she made me realize how much of an embarrassment I am to her. It’s not the first, probably not the last…well.. that depends on how tonight is going to turn out. And I’m not the only one in that situation, that’s granted. At that point, I was angry, mostly, so I was looking for comfort. Like any girl aged 13 to 35, I went to read some old conversations. Some pieces of moments that I hold dear. My boyfriend’s, best friends, exes… And I remember what my ex-boyfriend told me: “It’s so pathetic how you do that, go through old shit like this, what difference is it gonna make ?” Well Patrick (let’s call him Patrick), it makes me feel good. Like at some point, in other people lives I mattered, even for a moment. You would think I don’t care about him anymore, but I do. We used to be friends, until recently. But he won’t text or call back, he just decided to shut me out, and gave me no reason whatsoever. And as you know, the human brain is a wonderful machine that starts to make scenarios to explain why people do such things. But of course, you’ll never know, so you go crazy, and you’re worried. And that got me thinking about him, Patrick. He was crazy about me, he was the first boy to ever love me, that I know of. And he doesn't acknowledge my existence anymore. So what do we have so far ? Shitty daughter, shitty ex. Shitty friend by extension. But let’s continue, shall we ? I had a really good friend, I have a lot of good friends, but this one… this one is very special. He’s the kind of person they say stuff about like “He’s one in a life time encounter”. And how cheesy that might sound, he is. For years, he made small appearances in my life, making me laugh, sharing music, and movies and jokes, looking for cheesy pickup lines, and telling each other meaningless anecdotes about our student life. Sending skipping rope videos…  However one day, we started talking, and we never stopped. And it’s been two years, soon. As you can guess, I fell deeply, and madly in love with him. He understands my moods, he thinks I’m cute even when I’m a mess. He sees what I’m really worth, even I think I’m worthless. He makes me a better person. When I see him, and touch him, I feel like I'm leaving my body. I wish I could kiss the hell out of him right now… And I know he loves me, I never thought he would, but he does, and he always cared for me. He made me feel things I only read about in books, or heard in songs. And before I knew it, I turned into an ooey-gooey cheese mess. He’d laugh if he read that. He is the only person I trust to always be honest with me. Sometimes it’s annoying, but it is the best thing ever. Honesty, and unspoken love. He doesn’t have to say anything to me. I tease and annoy him, and I’m really bitchy, but he always comes back. He’s it. He’s the love of my life. However, a few weeks ago, he said something that crushed my heart. I’ve never, ever wanted to hear those words from him. But I screwed it up. The best fucking thing in my life. The only thing I thought I’d never mess up. But I’ve been the shittiest girlfriend. I thought I’d never do anything to drive him away, that he’d always, always stay,  and always love me no matter what. But there’s so much a person can take. I thought I was a good thing for him, I wanted to make a difference in his life, so he knows he has me, always and forever. But like everything I touch, I might be running it, slowly. And I can’t bear that thought. If I let down everyone around me, and manage to alienate them all, what’s left ? I thought I was ambitious, and charismatic, smart, sweet, generous. I always do things from the bottom of my heart. and no matter how it comes out, I never mean to harm or disappoint. But I do it anyway, and I don’t know why, or if it’s fixable. Maybe I can’t be fixed. Maybe I’m cursed to fuck up anything good that happens to me. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I’m just fighting a battle I can’t win. Maybe there’s only one solution, but I’m too much of a coward to take it. Who wants the apple, when the core is rotten."

"My dear girl, is it that you are so lonely that you had to create this?"

"I’m like that. Either I forget right away or I never forget."

"If the full moon loves you, why worry about the stars?"

"Anybody who has survived his childhood has enough information about life to last him the rest of his days."